Daddy's Gifts

Run your own race,baby. He could have said it a dozen other ways. “Be independent.” “Don’t be influenced by others.” But it wouldn’t have been the same. The words he chose touched my heart and have remained with me all through my life. Whenever I’m at a crossroads, I ask myself, “Am I running my race or somebody else’s?” What a gift he gave me. Marlo Thomas on her Dad Danny Thomas' advice to her.


This Father's Day weekend is not my first without my Father but like every year at this time I try to keep the mascara from going by hugging the memories and opening his gifts to me.

I am a "Daddy's Girl" and that is a label I wear proudly. There are a lot of negative connotations with that phrase..spoiled, princess, indulged...but for me it symbolizes not only the unbreakable bond between a Father and Daughter but also the foundation upon which I stand every day.

We lost my Dad suddenly. After the shock wore off, and the numbness set in, I felt as if I were living without a safety net, I still have days I feel that way. It took some time to realize that Daddy had left me many gifts, the most important perhaps being that I would always have firm ground beneath my feet because of the lessons he taught me and the love that guided me and helped me grow.

How very lucky I am to know that being a “Daddy’s Girl” means that I carry the gift of unconditional love with me wherever life takes me. That love has taught me to believe in myself and my strengths, and to know that I CAN “run my own race”- even when I have trouble finding the track. My Father taught me to trust my instincts, believe that there is nothing I can’t accomplish and that the worst thing I could do would be to sit on the sidelines and not try!

On the days when I think…”There is NO way!” I hear Daddy saying “just try”. Happy Father’s Day Daddy…Thank you for my many gifts. Oh how I wish you were here to watch me keep trying. I love you.

Service with a Smile???-Make ME Happy!

“Give the lady what she wants!” Marshall Fields

I think we all have stories of waiting endlessly on hold for someone to give us an answer to a question about our phone service, airline reservation, credit card bill, misplaced order...or standing in line only to have the person waiting on us not know what the price was or where to find what we want, or worse yet not caring... I simply don't get it!

There is only one boss. The customer. And he can fire everybody in the company from the chairman on down, simply by spending his money somewhere else.”
- Sam Walton

In the current economic climate how much sense does it make to do your job poorly? Can you tell I have had some customer service issues of late! As a Marketing Professional the first rule I play by is that the customer is ALWAYS right-even if they are Wrong!

Nothing but nothing keeps me coming back to a store, a service or a contractor than how I am treated by their representatives. I believe you don't get second chances with any customer and the impression you leave reflects back on the entire organization or company.

In the past two weeks I have dealt with truly BAD customer service on all levels of the consumer chain-a credit card company that was rude, a phone service provider that did not have a clue how to fix an issue and declared there was nothing to be done, a major retailer with not one but two on-floor sales people that refused to take the extra step to help, a contractor who could not be bothered to call me back, a contractor whose office representative made no effort to work with my schedule to set an appointment, an auto repair shop that did a bad job and would not take responsibility...trust me, the list goes on! Why don't people care?? Now more than ever Customer Service is the single most important marketing tool any company can have.

The customer is why you go to work. If they go away, you do, too.

David Haverford

As consumers we have a choice of where to spend our money and who we hire to do work for us. Somewhere somehow our standards for service have been severely lowered and we almost anticipate that we are going to be treated poorly or receive no right answers-that doesn't work for me! Perhaps because of the business I am in I expect to be treated the way I treat my clients-if they are not happy then I cannot pay my mortgage--it is really simple!

Winning customers, and more importantly keeping customers, has never been so critical and that is why when I walk through a Department store and see merchandise strewn all over and cannot find a sales person who knows even where the shoe department I walk out. No wonder stores are shutting their doors-they did it all wrong!

When it comes to customer service the rule I live by is if you don't like the answer you are getting call back and find someone who will give you the right answer! Go talk to someone else! It shouldn't be that way, however, every representative should know the right answer, every representative should go the extra step and every representative should care!!

On a recent trip to purchase a new Television(get ready for the digital age!) I first went on line to search for what I was looking for and check to see if the location near me had them in stock. I went over on a mid-week night, not too busy to say the least in the store, and first attempted to return a gift. The returns desk refused to take it back or give me a store credit because I did not have a slip-Strike One. Next I made my way to the Television department, no sign on the floor of the White TV I saw on line and no sales person volunteering to help me despite my wandering around for ten minutes through the same aisles-at this point I was testing to see how long it would be before anyone bothered to talk to me-Strike Two. When I finally did get waited on I was told with no further research beyond looking at the same shelf I had been looking at that they did not carry the television I saw on line, this despite their website telling me that store had stock-Strike Three!

Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.
Bill Gates

At this point this major retailer has a very unhappy customer in their midst, and more importantly a customer who knows how this truly should be done. I grew up in retailing and now I consult for small start up companies and the first thing I do is make sure their representatives are trained to help! It isn't expensive, it is a simple thing to do and it builds a business that has staying power---Five easy steps:

1. Be Nice and treat the customer in the same manner you want to be treated. CARE! about what you are doing and who you are helping-they sign your paycheck!

2. Know your stuff. Be sure you understand the product/service you represent. If you do not have the answer, go find the answer and get back to your customer quickly-not sometime next week!

3. Go the extra mile. Make an effort to do whatever it takes to help and satisfy the customer.

4. You cannot please everyone, but whatever issue your customer has be creative of about resolving it so they leave happy and they remember you tried.

5. ALWAYS be sure to ask what else you can do to help and leave the customer with a reason to come back.

Today ALL companies are small companies---the retail and service worlds are shrinking very quickly and getting and keeping customer loyalty I believe is the key to survival. One, just one, bad experience can send a customer away forever and more importantly in this age of social networking send them off to tell the planet about what happened.

The Happy Ending to my TV saga is a clue into how easy it is to build loyalty and build a good business. As I was walking out, car keys in hand, disgruntled expression on my face, I was approached and asked for the first time the correct a question-"Did I find everything I needed" GOTYA! "NO!," I declared, "I did NOT!" I explained that I came looking for something that their website said this store had and that I was told they did not carry and I explained that I attempted to return a gift and was turned away with no store credit. Turns out I was taking to the manager. He went to his computer, saw that the store had 6 in stock, went out back and brought me my television. He then walked me over to the service desk and saw to it that I got my store credit. He knew how to do it...but why didn't his staff? I will go back to that store, only if really necessary though, and that store representative saved their reputation for me.

Here are some Be Nice stories that have kept me loyal and will keep me coming back and demonstrate that this isn't brain surgery but simple, easy and effective---this is how to survive in a bad economy:

1. My movie service made an error on their website, when I called because I wasn't receiving something, they caught the error and gave me three free movies for my "trouble"-not that re watching Project Runway is critical to my life but they went an extra step and that makes me loyal to them

2. My local fun food shop did not have an ingredient I needed on their shelf. The trucks were just being unloaded and a "crew" member went out onto the truck and retrieved it for me-my first stop for groceries.

3. I saw a pair of slacks and jacket on line- I called the company to see if the colors worked, the representative went and found both pieces to check them for me. She then made suggestions of other pieces I might like that were on sale!

4. A HVAC contractor stopped at my house in the off chance that I would be home to check a problem I was having. He gets all the heat and a/c issues at Camp MP from now on!

5. A new auto body shop fixed the bad work from the old body shop at no charge and gave me his cost on another repair I needed to have done-That is where I go first for gas and repairs from now on

6. After being on hold and talking to all the wrong people for well over three hours at my phone/Internet provider I called back and spoke with someone who knew within two minutes that all I needed was a software patch and how to get it done for me. He even called me back to be sure it downloaded properly and that I was back on line.

7. An airline told me that despite sever weather forecasts if I wanted to change my airline ticket to avoid the weather, weather that would definitely cancel my original flight, I would have to pay $650. I did that so I did not get stuck and when I called from my warm destination and discovered that original flight had indeed been cancelled due to the Nor'easter the representative I spoke with refunded my money!

These folks "get it" and maybe if all companies showed the same respect for their customers the American economy might just have a shot again!

Voices in My Head-Mother's Day and Everyday

Don't go into Mr. McGregor's garden: your Father had an accident there; he was put in a pie by Mrs. McGregor. The Tale of Peter Rabbit

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce

Let's just acknowledge from the start, much like Peter Rabbit we don't listen to our Mothers either...not with our ears anyway. Momspeak after so many years can become the Muzak of our lives. "Why are you wearing that?" is the hit single we can all dance to . But I promise you Moms, we may not listen...but we hear! How else do we grow up to sound just like you??

When you were growing up did you ever wish that your best friend's Mom was your Mom? Or maybe you wanted to runaway and live with a TV Mom. You know, a Mom that was cool, a Mom that "got it" and who didn't make you wear your coat over your Halloween costume, and bought you the "in" jeans of the week-"Mom, EVERYONE has them but me!" Did you ever wonder how the kids with those Moms turned out, what kind of Moms did they become? Well they are probably OK and so are their kids, but sitting from this perch, now that I am an age I actually remember my Mom being, those jeans were really ugly!

Despite the evolution of popular culture we still retain a common definition for what a MOM "should" be and that "should" of chief cook and bottle washer, with perfectly clean houses , incredible well behaved and adjusted children, an adoring husband and a refrigerator full of home cooked food, has changed very little. Sure now the MOM has to be head of a law firm and buy only organic, but none the less she remains an icon not a real woman. As kids we don't get that, but as adults we learn,probably to the joy of each of us, that our Moms are in fact real and not just hired help in our lives or women who aren't like Suzy's Mom. I never really liked Suzy's Mom!

(Edna Hibel)
No matter what else a Mom does with her life her job is her children. For our Moms our "end result" is the product of their career...so of course we have been asked to get it right!! Our success is their success and for more than one generation of women that reflected "glory" or "failure" defined the women who raised us. We are the personification of their life's work-if we messed up so did they. I may have my days when I wonder if I will ever do it right, get it right, but I am a woman who cares a great deal about doing it right and getting it right because I was taught by the women whose thumbprints are all over me that it matters. Sure, I have picked my rebellions to drive them nuts...I never learned how to properly fold a sheet which drove my Nana up a tree. I consistently neglect to wear a raincoat on a potentially rainy day leading my Mother to exclaim that I truly don't know when to come out of the rain. "Do something with your hair" is a constant chirp -I know I am not alone with that one!

I have to come to realize,however,that I am my Mother's product. I am put together not with a selfishness or interest in making her mark, but with a complete commitment to her job. She is a Mom, this is what she does. Despite many other roles and abilities, being a Mom is who she is with every inch of her being. If I can stand back and look at the woman who raised me with any objectivity I will see that not every woman who wears the label Mother does that. With all due modesty, my Mother is better than your Mother-ha!

It isn't that other Mothers don't love their children, or that they didn't do a good job, but that somewhere along the growing up line they declared an end game. OK, so a professional might say that is healthy-forget it! Maybe I can't see how it is possible to retire from the most important job any human can have because my Mother, and her Mother before her, never put their feet up on the job-thank goodness! Even though my Grandmother is no longer here she will be happy to know that the Muzak she implanted in both her daughter and in me plays everyday! WWND?-What Would Nana Do? makes us smile,laugh and remember. By some string that will always connect us we do it her way, with our own twist, but Nana is in the building!

How lucky am I -I got stereo! There is my Nana's Muzak and there is my Mother's- not surprisingly very similar tunes.

Of course it is not just the "do it my way" tunes that I hear each day but more profoundly the emotional songs that have taken root from the bottom of my feet. These roots come from knowing without any hesitation or embarrassment that I keep playing those tunes because I need to hear the noise. I need the voice of the person who loves me no matter what! I may not always get it right but there is no auditioning here. Even when the raincoat is in the car keeping the car dry, I know that if I get wet there is shelter available.

I also have the innate comfort that my Mom's job is far from done-her daughter is a product in development and will continue to be, as Anna Quindlen wrote-A finished person is a boring person. I'm not finished, and only a person who does not need to be loved, does not hear the Muzak or recognize the thumbprints, can be finished.

If you are lucky in this life the bond with your Mom is the simplest, and many times the most complicated, one you will ever have. I am THAT lucky! There is nothing simpler than being loved completely and knowing that her love sustains , motivates and grounds you. The string that runs from Mom to child is the most powerful and lasting connection there will ever be. We may walk through different doors sometimes but we are usually going in the same direction... together!(much like the time we discovered we were in adjacent dressing rooms in Bloomingdales!)

The definition of a Mom cannot be found in a Hallmark card, in an ad for cake mix, or on a rerun of a 70s sitcom. A Mom is defined by her life's work. She can be a Supreme Court Justice or a candidate for President, her Momdom is at the core of everything she does. Her success is not found in material success but in the knowledge that there is a work in progress out there that will always hear her music, always need her tune to be played, and always love her.

Happy Mother's Day Mummy...job well done,but never finished! I love you!

She Dreamed A Dream...and Got The Last Laugh-A Fairy Tale Comes to Life

Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable. ~Wendy Wasserstein

"I'm going to make that audience rock" she said as she waited to take the stage.

When Susan Boyle walked on to the stage of Britain's Got Talent television show to audition the live audience giggled and snickered and the judges could be seen rolling their eyes. She certainly didn't look like a would-be star. A bit pudgy, in need of a makeover ,but clearly feisty and confident in her own voice with a twinkle of "Just wait" in her eyes.

When Simon Cowell asked her the completely inappropriate question about her age she told him she was 47. The audience laughed at her- "and that's just one side of me"she said with great self deprecating humor. She is really 48, "unemployed but looking", lives alone in a village in Scotland with her cat Pebbles, "never been married,never been kissed". This "frumpy" middle aged spit fire sings in her church choir and wants to be a professional singer as famous as Elaine Paige. She had decided to audition after battling depression after losing her Mother-she had not sung since her Mother passed away and had never sung in front of a large audience. Her confidence in tact, she proceeded to turn the phrase "don't judge a book by its cover" into a dream come true. In one amazing performance, that no one but her saw coming, Susan Boyle lifted the spirit of everyone who watched not to mention every woman over 40 and anyone who has ever known they were good but couldn't get past the first impression.

She wants to be as successful as Elaine Paige she told the judges...again more eye rolling ...Then she began to sing. Mouths dropped and the entire audience rose to their feet to cheer her on-she left the judges, even the curmudgeon-esque Simon Cowell, in complete shock

"...When you stood there with that cheeky grin and said you wanted to be Elaine Paige everyone was laughing...I'm reeling from shock...no one is laughing now..." "Everyone was against you...we were all being so cynical...the biggest wake up call ever...a complete privilege listening to that... stunning, incredible performance ...the biggest yes I have ever given anybody...mind blowing" the judges Pierce Morgan, Amanda Holden and Simon Cowell exclaimed.

"Susan Boyle you can go back to the village with your head held high its 3 Yesses" Simon told her,and the audience that mocked her roared with elation

Over 5 million have seen this video. There are Susan Boyle websites and fan clubs popping up everywhere. It is the ultimate feel good story in a time that everyone needs to believe that anything is possible.

Susan Boyle's performance is a triumph not only for her but also for all women of a certain age who have a dream-The Ugly Duckling is indeed a Swan!

Centennial

sometimes when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.
- lamartine

My family has suffered far too many losses in recent years. It is often very hard to swallow the world without the ones I love close by, none more so than my Grandmother.

Nana was the harbor that we all sailed toward. She was the force, and quite a force it was, that instilled a sense of belonging,commanded attention and kept the string of connection tied tightly to her.

It will be four years this coming April that we lost her. At 96 you should be accepting and grateful for such an amazing lifetime. It will tell you a great deal about her presence to say that anyone who knew her was thrown by her loss. None of us could really imagine that there would be a time when she would not be here to direct us all. Without her we have been cast adrift. There is no longer a center point, a guiding light, a command post. She captained all of our lives and planted an NPS in me (Nana Positioning System) that makes me stop and ask WWNS-What would Nana Say? I know she would have a lot to say!

This month would have been her 100th birthday and she would have expected a party! She always got a party!

What follows are excerpts from the words I wrote when we lost her. I hope they are as they were meant to be, a celebration of my Nana, a woman whose voice and strength and determination I carry with me each day of my life.

My grandmother could move mountains, change the weather, run a country and make sure everyone ate in the process. You did not say NO to her, and even if you tried she magically used her powers to turn NO into a YES. We all learned to do it Nana’s way – after all she was never wrong. During the recent Presidential election(2004) she was determined that everything that could be done get done to change the direction of the country. So she wrote to President Clinton, telling him she understood that he was recovering from heart surgery but that he needed to become more involved in the campaign . “Do you think he will listen to me?” she asked me – “Of course Nana – don’t we all!”

Her expectations for all of us were high. Not so much that we would become President, or film stars, though that would have made great card table conversation, but that we do everyday life the right way – Nana’s way. Of course we all fell short. I, for example, rebelled as much as possible, but in small annoying details just to exasperate her. Did you know there is a correct way to fold sheets? This would be Nana’s way to fold sheets. Over the years I have given in on the folding of towels – each side meets the center – but on symmetrically folded sheets, pressed of course, I have drawn the line. Whether it be folding sheets, setting a table, decorating a room, making a jello mold, coordinating an outfit, cutting a fruit plate, baking just about anything, or living with a man for over 60 years – there is and always will be only one way – Nana’s way.

We were her life’s work. She was born into a driven achieving family and in her day women did not necessarily excel openly in the world. Yes, she could run a country, lead an army and certainly build a better mousetrap, but she was living in Barton Vt. Without an outlet she channeled all that energy, determination and strong will into her home and her family. Her brothers ran a company, she ran us!

Whatever she put that busy mind to she naturally did correctly and did well – at least that was what she told us and we know she was always right. She did not just have children, she had girls who stopped traffic with their beauty and brains. You never tasted anything like her…you fill in the blank. I have a theory by the way about her baking. Although she shared her recipes I think she always withheld one key ingredient so that no one else’s would taste like hers did. Thousands of pound of poppy seed have gone out with the trash in my efforts to duplicate her Mun Cookies. She would simply smile and tell me that it was very tricky dough to work with – I know there is a missing portion to my copy of the recipe!

The key ingredient in all of us, however, was always shared – her love, unflinching, unwavering, demanding, expecting, unlimited love. If we did not always meet her standards, or do it just her way, she would actually pout. It was because she believed so much in us, and invested so much of herself in us and loved us so much that of course we would be the best – always. She could criticize us but heaven help you if you criticized anyone she loved to her face – she simply would not allow it. So, flawed as each of us may be we are the product of her life’s work – thank goodness.

Family was first, and feeding that family was her vocation. Her dining room table was where all came. She fed everyone, in from out of town come to supper. Her answer at all points of life, good and bad, was to be found in her kitchen. For many years of my life I only saw her in the kitchen or at a MaJohng table. My grandfather took me ice skating, but my grandmother and I went to the butcher. Holidays were hers. At Thanksgiving my grandfather would exclaim as he placed another leaf in the table – “your grandmother has turned over Plymouth Rock and found a few more pilgrims!”

My grandfather was the love of her life, and rightly so. She claimed to have molded him over time –I know he let her, he, like all of us, let her have her way. Maybe it was easier that way for him as well, but we all know she was the center of his life and that was a love story that lasted for over 60 years.

Yes, her expectations for everyone were high, but I have learned in recent months that our expectations of her were high as well. Anyone who has witnessed many of us, particularly her granddaughters, in the past few months can attest to that. In December Nana celebrated in 96th birthday. I promise you that those who did not know she was ill will be shocked at her loss. Strange for someone 96, but no one who knew her, and certainly no one who loved her, ever thought of her as old. The doctors would look at me cross eyed when I questioned them about her progress – as if to say she is 96, let her be, what more do you want?

96 was just a number – there was nothing average about Nana and she did not do her 90s in an average way. Average may get you decent scrabble points but that would be it. She had determination and a will of iron, never wrong and stubborn til she won, and win she did. We just expected that our very small package of hurricane force power to continue to point her finger and show us the right way forever. Somehow I know she will.

Once in an English essay class I was asked to write about someone I admired – I wrote about my grandmother, not because she ever built that better mousetrap but because hers was a life that could be defined as truly successful. She was adored, and she got back every ounce and then some of that unconditional love that she dished out on her impeccably set table, with the good dishes and silver, on the perfectly pressed organdy tablecloth.
I have thought a lot over the past months about how I will do everyday without her. She won’t be here to tell me to dress warmly, to get home before dark; she won’t be here to call at 10:00 at night to watch a movie over the phone with; She won’t be here to buy cute outfits for; She won’t be here to redecorate everyone’s homes with; She won’t be here to put down seven letter words on a triple with the q the z and the x; She won’t be here to run menus past; She won’t be here to go shopping with; She won’t be here. She was my harshest critic, my instructor, my source of knowledge of very important things, my debate partner, my dictionary, my place to go when I needed to know I was loved, my barometer of doing it right. She was my best friend. She had a string that led from her hear to mine. I know now that string will not break – I will never lose her, she will always tug at that string and whisper in my ear – “you don’t want to do it that way, let me tell you how it should be done!”


Some people care too much, I think it's called love.
-- Winnie the Pooh

Weeding Life

Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them- A. A. Milne, Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh

But make no mistake: the weeds will win: nature bats last.- Robert M. Pyle
The Gardens at Camp MoneyPit did not exist 2 years ago. There was literally nothing to salvage, nothing to "grow" from or keep. For a small cottage that took 18 months to breath life into you cannot imagine the panick that set in every time I started contemplating the landscape. Camp MP has no less than 7 different areas surrounding it , each with its own challenges...I of course chose to take them on all at once! My flaw as a gardener, as in my life, is that I want to make everything right, make it better, make it beautiful and make it into what it can and should be...I do that with people too-they don't always respond as well as the hydrangeas!

So it should be no surprise that my need to control and keep everything blooming beautifully does not really leave a lot of tolerance for weeds! Gardening for me has become the corner of my life that insists on teaching me...my gardens have a stubborn student! The gardens are determined to show me that I may hold the trowel, I may dig and amend, and plant and water, and nurture and hover, and.. but I am not in charge, nor do I determine the success. I am just a "player" in this ever changing "landscape".

Every gardener will tell you that patience is perhaps the gardener's best tool. I am not the most patient...I want the "result", I want my vision realized-NOW, please! Taking on the gardens of CMP has shown me that there are small yet great victories if you wait and watch and let it happen-a Clematis, given up for lost, coming into spring with strength and showers of blooms is one reward for a lesson learned, as is a climbing hydrangea that slept then crept and now has leapt to grace the stone of the house.

It was a surprise to discover that the soil at Camp MP is good in most spots, unless you hit one of the old stone walls buried beneath. Most of the "new" residents seem happy to be here, but so do the weeds...the weeds absolutley adore it here, and they are determined to take up permanent residence-I should have them chip in for the mortgage payments!

Most days I actually do not mind weeding. True, one of life's most thankless tasks..or is it? Yanking, tugging, pulling unwelcome intruders out of the ground can actually work wonders after a long week. The weeds at Camp MP,however, are on a mission. They are determined to win, to take over, to pop up at will from the weed cloth and mulch. They arrive and start crawling about as if they were in charge...not so fast fellas, remember I am the Controlling Gardener!

Yesterday I spent about 4 hours weeding, filling three trash bins and ruining a pair of gloves. I woke up this morning, slipped on my garden sneaks, picked up the hose to water the new roses and Hello!- WEEDS!!! You know what, tomorrow there will be weeds, and the next day and certainly all summer til the frost of October I will have weeds. I will pick and pluck and pull every Saturday morning-maintenance yanking-but they will come back more determined each time to "show me". Just like in life, things grow and pop up where you don't want them...they certainly do in my world.

I have made my peace with some weeds. If you look like a pretty groundcover, if you have a delicate white flower, you might be able to hang around til you become unruly. If you are a dandelion, or your first name is "Crab" you are out of here-NOW!

The weeds at camp MP have taught me that I cannot control what grows overnight. I cannot totally stop "ugly" from happening anymore than I can stop unwelcome or sad for that matter. Yup, weeds happen! The gardens are lecturing ..."Accept that, adapt and work with what you can...make the best out of it, even learn to live with some of it."

So sure, I will continue to pull and yank the ones I can grasp, but for those that I simply cannot get to budge I will have to accept them, welcome them and make them a part of the garden til I can take a shovel and give one big tug...then I will plant hydrangeas and roses in their place to show them how Life s really done. The weeds of my garden, and my life, may crop up another day in another spot but I'll have a peony ready to put them in their place!